Please Forgive Me
Anything of consequence in our lives occurs through our relationships with each other. Empires are built through working together with others to discuss and express our desires in the world. Emotions are born in our interactions with others and their outcomes.
Given the nature of man — egoistic — doing anything we want without much consideration of the effects of our actions on others, it’s impossible that we never do or say something we later regret. By the same token, others hurt us with their words or actions. Our reactions to these offenses are, broadly speaking, either revenge or forgiveness.
Revenge is rampant in the affairs of man, individually and collectively, and our chaotic world is the result. This reaction is more aligned with our nature than is forgiveness. When hurt, we want to separate ourselves from others and nurse our wounds, so we strike back with vengeance, trading hurt for more hurt.
Forgiveness requires an opening of the heart to the one who hurt us and that can seem like absolution of the offender’s actions which is the last thing we want to do. Only someone who is important in our lives can deeply hurt us and after being emotionally injured we don’t want to cast that relationship aside.
What Does It Take to Forgive?
It takes moral strength, a sense of being centered in our lives and carrying values that benefit, not harm, mankind. We can find the strength to forgive when we understand human nature, and that our nature compels us to be the way that we are.
The wisdom of Kabbalah speaks of an inner state called “delighting in mercy.” It is an activation of the basic law of the universe, to love others as ourselves. It is a state in which we balance our ego, meaning we direct it towards the good of others. It is a deep caring that things are good for everyone, an awareness of human nature.
In Judaism there is a holiday called Yom Kippur or Day of Atonement. It comes shortly after the Jewish New Year as a preparation for our relationships with each other in the new year. It is a self-healing process in which we recognize that we don’t really understand the true self-centered nature of our thoughts and the resultant harmful actions that we perform. The atonement is for the sin of not realizing the extent of the wounds we inflict on each other in our daily lives.
Out of that comes what we commonly call New Years resolutions. We engage in deep introspection, being brutally honest with ourselves about our “sins” against humanity. We are used to judging our actions, but what we really need to judge are our intentions, especially in relation to people. Those who pray ask for the gift of unity with each other in our hearts, souls and minds. It is an intention to do one’s part in the correction of hate and separation in the world.
Forgiveness isn’t the approving of what happened, but choosing to rise above it. It is a personal choice, a decision of the heart to go against the natural instinct to pay back evil with evil. We lift ourselves up and take on armor against future hurts.